spiceant's diary - lifes, thoughts and worrys

Name:
Location: Groningen City, Groningen, Netherlands

December 19, 2007

Yesterday i took 90 minute hot shower and my rubbed my skin everywhere, and some old dead pieces of it started coming off which then rolled up and feeled a bit like gum. Now in bed i notice i'm sweating more. I feel i'v opened up my skin by rubbing it, somehow.

December 7, 2007

i was just thinking my vipassana coarse will start one day prior to christmas, when the sun will start rising.

Nice little coincidence.

December 5, 2007

Today was a strange day or just unusual. I dont know.
I am growing a stronger aversion to bread every bite, it has me feel sick every time i eat the stuff definatly when compared to fruit like an orange/apple and nuts. Today we have some dutch meal we call Snert which is basicly a very thick soup of beans and greens (usually with some type of pig meat (worst) but today's meal was consciously vegan. I'm beginning to prefer lighter meals. The heavier ones make me feel sick and miserable.

I just took a cold shower after taking a long toilet break for a lot of crap to come out (i hardly ever put on the lights in the bathroom because my eyes see plenty after 1-2 minutes) . I remembered the last few times i did this. I looked out the window looking at the water, it is quite windy out here. I felt the urge to run out and run around nude playfully perhaps even jump and swim 5m so i could 'instantly' get to some trees to climb in. I was looking forward to such a lot of hard blowing fresh air and the hot fuzzy feeling of being alive caused by my own excercise. But i chose not to, i might scare a few insecure people with that and god forbid even "old folks" can speeddial fashion police today. I hold myself to that i don't hate those people, but i just don't know. I feel locked up in this so called free society. I think that proverb makes the latter word a cruel joke on reality.

December 3, 2007

I'v had a chat yesterday at dinner with my parents about society. I got into argument about taxes. I basicly said i didn't want to pay taxes? (mom:) "Well what about roads, you use those don't you? You don't want to pay for those? What if there wouldn't be any hospitals, (where my mom gave birth to me) did you want me to let you die?" At that last question i thought that would be great (because it robs people of responsebility and leads people away from looking or seeking the causes of their disease which can only be that that results from their own choices (diet/lifestyle/home/clothing/ventilation) and often gives degenerative medicines) and she turned it around and assumed i would be dead without them. She went on to the assumption that we do better because we have hospitals and 3rd world countrys do worse because they don't and this is clearly evidenced by the fact they have so much more disease. From what i get she perpetuates her own belief

I got her to view the Pharmacratic Inquisition (1h 51m) on google video (you can easily look it up with that name) and it gives me a little hope for. (That statement has me feel quilty about feeling a bit arrogant...)