I posted this elsewhere

i remember i was a child and very depressed and was trying to come up with an excuse to die and then i came to the conclusion which was i dont have any proper excuse to decide that... so i figured that i stopped caring about wether or not i live. All my life everywhere just fell into place and i dont care to see how it all did with my intellect. When people ask me to plan something its like my brain must go through so many loops and shortcircuits in order to come up with a plan... i hardly ever make up any plan.

It seems words and images in my mind are just of the mind and that the mind itself is a machine that has gone out of control and that my real me is somewhere along the silver cord giving the real impulses that matter. I feel that i should follow these impulses and therefore distance me from words and images because they are of ego / mind. Just me & God. It annoys me a great deal when people talk to me and demand audible responses because it is usually not motivated in search of truth and only to divide or to justify ones own mind. (And it delights me a lot when people do actually speak sincerely)

Like the dogs tail wags the dog,
human minds wag the human spirits of the not yet enlightened.

But this, but that, but this, but, but
There is no superstition that can not be justified by words
No absurdity can not be justified in words
and yet the human spirit has always conveyed truth, it is with us but the human mind does not understand it.