today and elsewhere i feel a sort of lonelyness, i want to talk to people who i have relied on to help me with some real problems, but i feel a sort of distance that stays my capacity to do so where i used to be capable of doing so. I have grown to learn many things that result in practice in conflicts with them that seem to force ways of doing things that are not productive and stressfull at best. They are definatly challenging and because they haven't been going on for over month i keep musing about it.

I feel so many impulses and inclinations and observe or see very many things and in a sense it sort of feels like blasphemy or sacrilage to put them into words (without the guilt normally associated with the 2 words). Yet it seems i must word them and i dread the prospect because i fear being misunderstood or being projected on with things that are not answers and do not relate to what sincerely concerns me, being emotionally blackmailed with the sincere or not concern of other people again.
I have been listening to Buddhist Monk Ajahn Brahmavahmso about the power of silence and how to use it in my conversations with a therapist / psychologist that has helped me for a long time and with whom in particular i want to understand and relay to exactly and get across my meaning to, which seems so incredibly hard especially in words. I simply want to completely and utterly all misunderstanding with one spoken paragraph... Which seems unrealistic.

I have learned many things which principly (at their core) go directly against the consciousness and traditions of civilization. I see disease as a cleansing mechanism in a world where it is perceived as a scary deadly thing.
I believe in sun, air, good (happy) mind and the close examination of the signals of my body and intuition to determine my decisions on health which directly contradict the 'common sense' advise of people i talk to who i have only heard talk about you must get this and that or these and these foods and this is the right thing which simply does not adress me or my concerns and contradicts my intuition, knowledge and experience.
I want to talk to my therapist about it, but in our latest chat i was feeling the impression that it is nearly impossible to get my meaning across from the position of a paying client.

On a similar note, i have begun to consciously notice how argumentative (divisive) i have gotten with people on internet websites in many ways. Expressing things in a way which it seems were neither virtuous gracious kind wise or usefull.
As you may have quessed from my latter posting i have also been musing about humor. I have for a while had many instances of jokes coming up in my mind. Jokes of many kinds. I would rather just share what i identify these jokes to most honestly be: satirical, deregatory, sarcastic and potentially harmfull to some people i talk to (and myself) or otherwise harmfull spiritually. Some simple jokes probably best fitted over a pint of beer in a pub which are simply low altough not particularly vicious or jokes that make reference to death or other disturbing instances.
In general, Jokes that rob people of their innocense.

So those are a few instances that spark my musings,
Sleep well, Be well
Sander

a post i made somewhere
theme: comedy

Many comedy shows, jokes and funny things rely on showing the truth and in many instances "its funny, because its sooo true"
Look at the comedy shows from a new perspective and force yourself not to laugh at any of it.

If you want to hide something you dont speak about it or you tell the questioner everything about it at once completely leaving nothing out (and perhaps putting a pseudo funny spin on it). This isn't usually spiritually productive way of doing anything.

The nature of most comedy today is unnatural, sharp. Putting information about something up front, all at once right now. Sharp humor usually reveals so much at once, that the viewer can not accept it and by giving the signal to laugh (other people laughing in the background for example) the viewer is implanted with an activity he can use to distract himself from what is being revelead (as the viewer is a receiver and usually not creative enough to come up with an activity himself at the time). The viewer is made aware too much at once (overloaded). Because too much pressure is the definition of sharp the person recognizes a sort of danger and unconsciously seeks way to avoid what is being said (anger, laughter, ridicule).

There are very few sharp things in nature let alone anything that isnt like a circle/sphere which is the 2nd softest shape (the planar shape being the softest and a point the sharpest). Comedies defy nature by being extremely sharp. Comedy helps people along in avoiding real life issues by abhorrantly putting a lot of important concepts to people they can not realisticly be expected to deal with at the time and training them to avoid dealing with them via ridicule and apathy.

Then again comedy of that sort has been around long before television. It is a manifestation of peoples consciousness that simply manifests more of that consciousness and in turns makes more of itself until someone changes their consciousness. (Which is my way of trying to get you to blame nobody for it, or at best that entity in the mirror)

If it doesnt have the realistic possibility of being true it can not be funny