The past couple of days are rotting me up from the inside. I have been entertaining myself with galactic civilizations 2 and other games like the windows card game patience. I recognize the pointlessness but i keep playing them anyway. I feel confused about everything, but for now it is the bible for the most of it. What is my purpose in life, what can i do? What would God have me do? For the lack of an answer i resorted to what else could keep me going which seemed to have any value. I also watched a lot of downloaded simpsons episodes. The quality of the humor between seasons & even episodes is largely sporadic from what i see.

I think i'v gone back to being "good" and the rotting is starting to fade and heal and my goodnight prayer might be good for my heart again. Not doing anything usefull felt as if though i was being bad and obviously useless. What can i do? Everything seems to be predetermined, the utterly blind to fall in the pit, the lame to stumble, the one to go by the sword to die by the sword. It seems pretty pointless. I remember looking back on my life on August 2005 when i started being more active in my research, looking into issues that are significant like Peak Oil or Global Warming or Nuclear War. It would be neat if i saved my body, but what good would it do if i lost my soul or what good if i won the world but lost my soul. The world seems to be a very steep mountain.
How big is a mustard seed of faith?

I will continue my education unto march to finish my education so i don't just leave school without a degree or diploma so perhaps i can do anything beside preach boldly and homeless like preaching boldly and homeless with a diploma.
Will my education make me rich? Will money make me rich? Will Jesus make me rich? Will death give me wealth? How much is certainty worth?

Rest peace and safely everyone, Sander Buruma