Ps this was posted the 3rd of January.

I went to the JW eldar 2 days ago on monday 1st of January. He strikes me as someone who like me holds himself to be seeking the truth, which is the point after which my worries start. He stated (as i interpret) he doesn't need to look beyond the (b)organization and trusts that i will see it the way he does after a while. My problem with that is that i have already been to that point. I DO know they get many things right. I DO know they have a really neat nice and big publishign organization to boot. Does this make them Jehovah's Organization? The New Israel? (The New World Order???)
He holds them apostates with their child abuse stories (and i presume the UN debacle too) to be lies or atleasts twists and magnifications of the truth.


I have sound reason to believe i have begun to think and know much too much and yet i long for more wisdom and thinking much faster. Comprehending everything fast enough to is confusing me. Fast enough before it is too late to do anything. To understand everything and to only see light for light, darkness for darkness and not the other way around. The world around me seems to be rigged against the truth and boobytrapped by liars (whom also think they are truthfull) with lies on every dimension i know. The only one i know that can guide me to some truth is Christ and god Jehovah my father (i presume).

And even there i wonder if he is distancing himself from me, i feel alone. I don't know anyone i can really trust, i must keep my quard up at all times with everyone. It's not that everyone is a bad guy or anything. People are deceiving and being deceived, believing to have the truth and their own righteousness doesn't amount to anything (for starters) in regards to truth. I think many missing elements of my childhood leave me severely handicapped and i think that may too be a selffullfilling prophecy, that i am making that true by thinking it (wether it is true or false or significant).

Do i really need to get a house of my own and a job? Do i really need that much!?
I have been considdering getting on with the great birth reversal and it all seems soo nice with such a loving father who wouldn't mind to raise me in paradise, would he? How selfish can i become. Who am i, what can i do, when can i do it and how free can i become?? I hate this world and i can't put my god given conscience to being part of it. I hate it i hate it i hate it.

Hello bye bye. Wanna cooky?